Twilight
Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Twilight was unintentionally funny, yet disturbing. I saw it on DVD, and this film would be a wonderful source of parodies for years to come.

I think what may have sounded great on paper (Twilight comes from a series of books about a teen in love with a vampire), but on screen: B-film quality, melodramatic, creepy, campy, and downright corny.

I Think I've Seen This Before

As an old reader of "she loves her murderous, dangerous, super-strong, pale, he-can't-read-her-mind, uberman (Ubermensch) vampire" stories, I'm reminded of Sookie Stackhouse Southern Vampire series. It's on cable as True Blood. I haven't watched the series yet, so I don't know how close that adheres to the books.

It was enjoyable to watch Twilight for two reasons: the director (Catherine Hardwicke) made Forks, Washington look like the most beautiful place on earth, and the music was rather nice. The cinematography of this flick was simply awesome. Makes me want to visit Washington state just to take a look-see.

This movie follows Isabella Swan (Bella played by Kristen Stewart) who decides to live with her father, Charlie (Billy Burke), because her Mom's new husband is a minor league baseball player. The choice for the mother was either stay home to look after a teen in Phoenix, Arizona, or travel with her man. Bella decided to make her Mother happy and seek out Charlie.

Census Count: Check

Overall, the casting was surprisingly inclusive, every demographic was in this film: Asian, black, white, Latino, and Native American. I don't think I can recall a movie this inclusive, and I've seen too many to count.

I only wish that Charlie was having a relationship with the black waitress, Cora, (Ayanna Berkshire). She seemed sweet on him. Plus, I find it hard to believe that a Sheriff as good looking as this guy could be single. I hope she's in the sequel.

Kiddie Pool: Deeper Than Suspected

As for dialogue, I find gasps for breath, hangdog, open mouth expressions, not being quite able to say what they feel, and excessive pauses in dialogue to be irritating. The flow of conversation could have been handled better. It came across as overdone, campy, and silly.

You know what though? I think this film is something that pre-teens (and younger) shouldn't be exposed to. Although the film was rated PG, I felt there was something unseemly being conveyed. I'm not a prude. I've read some hardcore stuff at an early age, but I grew up closely supervised and protected. I can only imagine what kids are free to do today.

Predators 'R Welcome!

What was unseemly in the film? Straight up, Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) was a weird, creepy stalker. Despite the bad boy saving a helpless damsel in distress, James Dean vibe or hairdo, he was way way older - nearly a century - than Bella.

He admits, he's killed. He claims he's a monster.

And Bella's response to these nuggets of information? "I don't care."

Initially, from the way they behaved, I couldn't discern mutual attraction, or that they were even in love.

He has cold hands. He's the undead. There's no warmth in his body. If only the writers understood how uncomfortable and unattractive cold hands, a mouth and body is. Even in the beginning of the movie Bella admits she doesn't like cold wet things. When they kiss, I'm thinking, A cold mouth? That's repulsive.

Vampire or not, he's essentially a cannibal. He's telling her has to constantly control his urge to eat / drink her dry / kill her.

Does that sound romantic to you?

Our Alternate Universe

I twisted this scenario to a real world scenario: image an older guy, a killer, a rapist, a sadist, telling a young girl he can't stay away, because he needs to kill her?

What's the young girl supposed to feel? Attraction and flattered? GTFOOH.

Aren't there enough missing young women about? I'm not saying young girls are all airheads, but some (as well as boys) are emotionally vulnerable, the right kind of attention and pressure could get them into a lot of troubling situations.

For Adults Minds Only

It's an adequate film for the mentally stable, hard to impress, media resistant, and with a healthy ability to recognize schlock when they see it. I'm hoping there's no suggestion lurking in any mind that anything that's presented as a relationship in this movie is something worth emulating.

And with that said, I look forward to the sequel when it is eventually released on DVD.

Labels: Ayanna Berkshire, Bella Swan, Billy Burke, black woman, Edward Cullen, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, romance, Sookie Stackhouse, stalkers, Taylor Lautner, teens, True Blood, Twilight, vampires

posted by GoldenAh
email this! | 0 comments | post a comment


Knocked Up
Saturday, June 30, 2007

I am a lazy reviewer. I saw this film a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to say something about it right away, but I never do because I hate looking up the names of the participants.

The same writer / director of "The 40 Year Old Virgin" (and some other films) created this film. I think one can tell the writing style of Judd Apatow by now. He reminds me of Larry David. One of these days I may even review the TV show "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

It stars the guy who looked like a big blond teddy bear in "The 40 Year Old Virgin" (maybe everyone else was short?), Seth Rogen, and that chic from "Grey's Anatomy", Katherine "Isaiah Washington needs to be fired" Heigl. I really don't have any issues with her, but if she's not careful she may end up like the gazillions of other starlets of Hollywood: hot today, gone tomorrow.

I find Rogen rather attractive (I like big blond guys), so casting him as a dweeb, loser-jerk didn't work for me. Well, his friends were weird, that casting call was accurate.

Ms. Heigl has talent, and oddly enough she has the same doe-eyes of that hot-for-a-second actress of the 1990's Jeanne Tripplehorn. Remember her? No? How about "Waterworld" with Kevin Costner? No? Then google her, I don't have time to school you.

Plot summary: celebrating a raise - to be onscreen, out from behind the cameras - Ms. Hiegl (Alison) goes out to a club with her onscreen sister, Debbie. The sister is played by Mr. Apatow's wife Leslie Mann, who plays an excellent and very convincing bitch-fish-wife role.

Alison meets Rogen (Ben Stone(d)*) at the bar and he gets brave. Cut to them humping the night away. He's funny, sweet and adorable, because he's so clueless.

It's a nice, profanity laced film, yet the sentiments are in the right place. A romance film from the guy's point of view - the guy who wants to do right.

A Time's Magazine reviewer suggested a better story would be murdering the baby (abortion), and the two of them following up with a relationship. I can't see how that would work; I can't even see it being a hit. Perhaps that would work as an independent film (you know how fun those sick, twisted flicks are).

Can't wait to see "Knocked Up" again on DVD, I know I missed quite a few jokes!

*Ben is stoned - got it?

Labels: Grey's Anatomy, Judd Apatow, Katherine Hiegl, romance, Seth Rogen

posted by GoldenAh
email this! | 0 comments | post a comment