District 9
Wednesday, August 19, 2009

District 9 is the first major film effort of director Neill Blomkamp backed by Peter Jackson (Lord of the Rings maestro). Shot documentary style, it is funny, gory (I likes!), and action packed. Not a dull moment.

I enjoyed this movie, but it was a guilty sort of pleasure. It has one too many offensive, down right nasty, depictions of black people to ignore. At the same time, I thought the story about how cruel human beings are couldn't be denied.

Per usual, I saw it, because I needed to get out of the house. I remembered the fascinating premiere when I was watching another movie. I was thinking then: a major sci-fi film set in South Africa, alrighty-now!

This was easily one of the best sci-fi films of the year. However, it must come second to Star Trek, because the racism fail was too glaring. I mean, you know it was bad when people clapped at the death of a black character, and remained silent at the death of a white who was equally a bad character.

Without giving away too much of this film: an Office-type, South African bureaucrat, self-important, bigoted moron, named Wikus Van De Merwe (convincingly and superbly played by Sharlto Copley) makes a big mistake during his job to evict aliens from the shanty town they were living in.

The aliens (derisively called "Prawns") have a ginourmous space ship, which stalled over Johannesburg 28 years ago. MNU, which serves as the architype of the typical, evil, greedy, amoral, psychopathic organization or corporation, is in charge of the aliens.

At first, these beings were welcomed, but over time are treated worse than the blacks (of South Africa) used to be. Take your pick of oppressed minorities segregated from the mainstream of society, shunted to a reservation, a concentration camp, experimented on, abused and maligned, and you get the gist of what's going on.

People have questions as to why the aliens couldn't easily get out of their predicament. I look at it this way: when a plane crashes, could anyone - even if everyone survives - realistically rebuild the plane? I've been to the Air and Space Musuem, it is not that easily. Hasn't anyone watched Lost, and realized that?

Next, the alien leaders of the ship was gone. I could point to many parallels as to what humans are like when the top 10%-20% do not guide their populace in the right direction. Let's not kid ourselves, it's the top of the bell curve that runs the human race.

Our man, Wikus, is not a hero. He never becomes a hero. At least, in my eyes. He acts bravely when it would help his cause. This to me, made the film extremely honest about the motivations of persons like himself. He may be the average guy: never going to stick out his neck, until it's his neck that's on the block.

This film didn't depress me, but I thought about how clear eyed it was about how we would treat visitors from outer space if they needed us. The history of how humans have treated each other makes me feel that the aliens should have, or must keep on going on, and forget about us. The word humane and humanity is really a joke.

I look forward to the sequel.

Labels: Airplaces, bell curve, District 9, humans, Lost, Neill Blomkamp, race, racism, Sharlto Copley, Spaceships, species, specism, Star Trek

posted by GoldenAh
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FanFiction: I can't stand Kirk slash Spock
Monday, June 29, 2009

I used to wonder at the joke William Shatner did with SNL about Trekkies needing to get a life. I thought it was rather mean at the time. I couldn't understand as to what specifically he may have been talking about.

I was so out of the loop.

I was curious about the reaction to the reboot of Star Trek. I go hunting online for more information. This film is often referred to as Star Trek XI. I found a lovely assortment of stories about all of the characters, and then I noticed that some people were fixated on Kirk and Spock having sex.

I've watched everything from the original to the last horrid Star Trek (TNG) film where Data was blown up and replaced by a dumber version. That effectively killed off the TNG franchise and nearly everything else Star Trek. Plus, continuing the movie's story line was a waste with nowhere to go, not with the crew being chunky or overweight, getting old, and the TV show having already mined all of the best material.

I'm not a nut for canon, because everything gets bought by Hollywood, the studios own the rights, and they do whatever they want to make a profit. Right? The goal is a profit. If the fans are happy, I'm sure that is a plus. As shown with all the comic books made into movies, there's been a lot of hits and plenty of misses.

I have to say it's hard to watch a movie when there's some expectation that everyone knows the backstory. It never works. Either the film makers explain as much as possible, or the film will bomb. Balance between the purists and a new audience seems to be a difficult task. Any material I've read, I rarely would want to see the movie, unless it's exact and the book made everything clear, or it brings something new and fresh.

But I gotta say, what is up with the homosexual fixation on two men who simply cannot just work closely together and be good friends? And you wonder why the military doesn't want them? Sorry. I'm not interested in being politically correct here.

I think this theme grew based on the TOS. For some reason, even though Kirk is the most self-centered, narcissistic, gung-ho heterosexual, skirt chasing guy around, he's really a homosexual? And logical, emotionally controlled Spock is too?

Tsk. Dudes and dudettes. That same sexing thing is just not there. It is in your alternative reality warped minds. I feel sorry for hetersexual men today. They must feel like everyone believes they can't be close friends with other men, because it must be sexual. So, every moist hole needs to be plundered? How did 2% of the population end up occupying 95% of media content these days anyway?

Today, nearly every TV show or movies is homosexual-lesbian-positive. It is virtually inescapable. So I am not sure why people need to insert it (pun intended) where it doesn't exist.

So, I avoid reading these Kirk slash Spock fanfiction. However, I end up finding them based on dishonest subterfuge.

I don't appreciate the lunatics who write a false lead pretending that the story is about Uhura / Spock, when the story begins or ends with them breaking up.

Just write your homosexual fanfiction and leave Uhura out of it. Okay?

Nasty bunch of misogynists.

Labels: James T. Kirk, Spock, Star Trek, Star Trek TNG, trekkies, Uhura

posted by GoldenAh
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Star Trek: What If?
Saturday, May 23, 2009


Star Trek was an excellent movie. Saw it three times. Might see it a fourth time. Will definitely buy the DVD when it comes out.

I've been reading some of the commentary and fan fiction regarding this reboot of Star Trek.

I'm amused by the request for more women in the lead. Oh, but which type of women?

Oh, I see. Uhura wasn't enough for these folks. Was it because she wasn't a woman of the right hue?

I see through these people who are pretending to be nick picky with the movie. The film was re-introducing us to the same characters from the original television program, which was seven people at its core.

Oh, but room must be made for more women characters. If Uhura was a white chick with blond hair, like on every other bloody damn movie and television show, there wouldn't be that kind of whining demand coming down the pike.

These folks ain't nothing, but a bunch of greedy, narcissistic, and selfish wenches.

I've decided to outline my own version of this new Star Trek if it was written by, and for, the few people who appreciate and love Battlestar Galactica. That show's two hour pilot and first season was marvelous, then over the following years the quality, intelligence, and coherence rapidly goes down hill. Sorta like how Heroes, and Lost, suffered the same fate.

The following is a sarcastic fan fiction summary of what would have made those "oh, but more (white) women, please" whiners happy. Regardless of Star Trek canon, we must satisfy the demands for (white) women being stars of this story.

In case you haven't noticed, white women, especially anorexic blonds, are a necessary evil in every entertainment program today. Even though their last minute additions, or central characters, have no additional net positive effect on ratings.

Oh well, somebody's gotta promote that white supremacy.

You must be familiar with the recent movie Star Trek, and tv show BSG, to get some of my points.

1. When Nero encounters the USS Kelvin, Captain Robau is a woman. She would be brown-haired and white, not a very handsome and gorgeous Eastern brown-skinned actor.
   
2. If she was an alien like those in Star Trek: TNG, then she would be a (white) actress with a heavy ridged forehead and some tattoos.
   
3. Nero, the Romulan, doesn't kill her, he keeps her hostage. I'll state why later.
4. George Kirk doesn't get the glory in this re-write by those who require more (white) women characters. Nope. He's not even first officer. His pregnant wife, Winona, is. However, she makes George take her place on the suicide mission. This is to ensure that she receives all of the accolades for saving those 800 people, not George.
   
5. James Kirk is a woman in this reboot. He's been renamed Jaime, but still keeps Tiberius (as a middle name) to help keep it real. He, I mean she, would look the same, be much thinner, have a five o'clock shadow, square jaw, and be as obnoxious and promiscuous - which is a very important characteristic for a (white) woman leading character - as the original Kirk.
   
6. Yet, in this case, Jaime would be considered "hot", "kick-ass", a "blond beauty" for her masculine, aggressive, and manly ways. Jaime would have breasts (maybe). We'd know Jaime is a woman, because the crew would periodically refer to this character as "she." Oh, and by the way, everyone wants to do her, because Jaime has blue eyes and blond hair. That's always, always, always the case, and don't you fer-git-it! Why, even Uhura came onto her at that bar in Iowa!
7. Spock never re-assigns Uhura to the USS Enterprise. She would never be seen again since she'd disappear with the rest of the fleet that left before the Enterprise. He has no reaction to news of her death, thus making those greedy, narcissistic, and selfish wenches happy.
   
8. Instead, Gaila, the "green" chick, would be on the Enterprise. Ergo, she'd be the second hottest (white) woman on the ship after Jaime.
9. Tyler Perry makes his cameo dressed as Madea. This is the preferable way for a black woman to appear in the media, with a 6'4" black male ridiculously "acting" as one.
   
10. Sulu and Chekhov would be an openly gay couple, or Chekhov would be another (white) woman. Take your pick.
    
11. Spock obviously has the hots for Jaime, because they argue throughout the whole movie.
12. Nero still vaporizes Vulcan, but it is Spock's father, Sarek, who dies. His mother, Amanda, lives. Although he loses a planet of his people, he's not as upset as he is in the reboot movie version. Spock's mother is alive, therefore keeping another important (white) woman in the story.
13. Pike stays a man. Gotta have at least one dick in the lead. Unfortunately, he's held, Federation Security information is extracted, and he is promptly, grotesquely, and rather violently dispatched.
    
14. Spock and Jaime fight. Unsurprisely, the big bitch fights the Vulcan to a draw. It's possible, right? Haven't we seen enough BullShitGalore, and other entertainment, to know a female can beat a male even if he's a super-strong alien?
    
15. Nothing much changes in these scenes: Prime Spock meets Jaime Kirk. He says, "We were more than friends," and brain dumps their entire special, special history into Jaime's big ol' empty head, not just the time travel, black hole stuff. This also makes the mentally challenged shippers of Kirk/Spock very happy.
    
16. Entering the final stretch: Jaime Kirk and Spock are getting set to leave and save everyone. Yet, not before Jaime looks at Spock and says, "I know how you really feel about me." Cause everybody wants Jaime: Ms Blond Blue Eyed Super-thin Mannish Five-O'clock Shadow Square Jaw Hyper-Aggressive Can-Keep-Up-With-The-Boys Woman. She's just soooooooooooooo hot, and sexy.
    
17. Quickly, Spock and Jaime exchange open mouth slobbering wet drooly kisses, panting, groping, exchanging much spit, before they are transported to the Romulan ship.
    
18. They find out Pike is dead, and scrape up the pieces to bring back the body.
    
19. As an added bonus they find Captain Robau, who's pregnant with her umpteenth child.
    
20. Why is she pregnant? Following commonly ridiculous, absolutely stupid, and retarded sci-fi tropes, the Romulans decide they want / need / desire / lust / crave Earth (white) women to re-start their race. Although, in this case, it is not necessary, Romulus still exists. However, even though they may view humans as inferior, just one look at a (white) woman turns their pointy-eared heads. Remember, Romulans are the extremely passionate Vulcan-types.
    
21. The Enterprise beams all those half-Romulan/half-Human chil'ren on board. A hysterical Captain Robau, with her many chil'ren - some of who are adults and staffed the Romulan ship, watches as her man Nero gets sucked into a black hole, and blown to hell.
    
22. Quietly, she vows revenge on Jaime Kirk, providing the flimsy pretext for a sequel.
    
23. The film bombs at the theaters, but the die-hards tell themselves that no one appreciates quality (ha!) sci-fi movies.
    

See, how easy and predictable that was?

That's why most of these "put more (white) women" in the story demands are lame. It would just be the same stupid stuff polluting most multi-character stories.

Frankly, if they add another woman, make her Asian, I'd like to see how those wenches behave then.

Labels: Battlestar Galactica, Enterprise, Heroes, James T. Kirk, Lost, Spock, Star Trek, Uhura

posted by GoldenAh
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For 2009 - If Only Hollywood Would Consider These Changes
Friday, January 2, 2009

1. Keep all scenes dry: no more rain, please. I would like to see a film, especially if it is romantic, without people standing around in the rain. I don't care why - they add nothing to a scene. All it shows is a lack of imagination.
   
   Often, I'll watch these programs thinking: they're going to catch a cold! And eww, smelly wet hair!
   


2. No more kissing: it is disgusting to hear people smooch and lip smack. Let the viewers use their imagination. I don't want to see the filthy germ exchange.
   
   I would ban kissing in films if I had the power.
   


3. The minority sidekick to the white woman: it needs to stop. It's so lame. We all don't have an inner Oprah to tap to offer words of wisdom. Enough with the "sassy" minority woman who's gonna to take on the world to make things easy and accommodating for the "clueless" white chick (or man).
   
   It happened with Kate Hudson in Raising Helen, I wanted to choke the director and scriptwriter(s).
   


4. Whatever happened to black or minority sitcoms? I grew up watching shows with a black cast on television with my family. Now, all that's really available are re-runs on some cable networks. I think Lincoln Heights is the exception, but I still find the violence on the program excessive and disturbing.
   
   I don't need to see these programs, Kyle XY is my favorite, but a little variety would be nice. Not everyone wants to watch a program about vapid, bleach blond twits from Beverly Hills.
   


5. Is there a blond (any white) woman quota in Hollywood? One day I may do an actual head count. Off the top of my head, I can't think of one program on television, or movie, that doesn't have a white woman in it. She's included whether her character is integral to the plot or not. It's weird, sometimes they are brought on just because .... Some do nothing to advance the story line.
   
   For example, Heroes can't let go of Ali Larter. Although, I do like her. There are many, many story lines with other characters that would have made the show coherent. So many have been left unresolved. But nooooooo, they keep her, regardless of whether it muddles the stupidity factor of the show by a factor of ten.
   


6. Must there be a gun in nearly every film or TV show? Yes, some of us Americans are gun-totting nuts, but a good story doesn't need one either. How about just implying that people have one, and not show it?
   
   Not everyone who watches media entertainment is a 14 year old teenager who requires violence to stay interested in a program.
   


7. Please scale back the CGI effects. I can tell when it's used, and it still doesn't look convincing or interesting. People can't outrun a flood, rushing or rising waters. People can't survive a twenty-story waterfall in a ship, a car, or alone.
   
   I won't even go into the impossible stunts that the human body cannot perform. You know, those scenes where people can survive a head-on car accident, without seat belts, at 30+ mph.
   


8. Please, please, please make the actors audible. I know you enjoy loud music, and make most films for an international audience. However, I'd still like to pretend that dialogue is important to a movie. It'd be fun to know what's going on.
   
   The incoherent mumbling and overly loud, overly dramatic music needs to stop.
   


9. Make it illegal for George Lucas to release another Star Wars film. It's for the good of us all. He's made enough money. Star Wars is deeply entrenched into our modern culture. He can be proud, and not frightened by any thought that it will be forgotten.
   
   George, you can go away now. Thanks.
   
   I would include Star Trek, but I'm biased, so I'm ready for more of that sameness.
   


10. Make accessible 24/7 every Hollywood film ever made.
    


11. Every film made over the last 30 years old should be in the public domain. Congress and the Supreme Court needs to stop with this extra 100 year extension of copyrights every time it expires.
    
    It's not right.
    

Labels: black women, Hollywood, internet, Kate Hudson, minorities, Star Trek, Star Wars, television

posted by GoldenAh
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